In search of ME
It was today, five years back, that I came to Bangalore. I must have been the most confused person in this world; I didn’t know what I really wanted. Five years back, I experienced a weird turmoil in my thought process. Who am I, what do I want from my life, these questions started pestering me. I had no clarity of thought, I gauged people from how they behaved with me and in most cases I was vindictive. I was more worried about why things don’t work the way I want, why people did not behave the way I expected them to, than focusing on my goals. My mind was occupied with “WHY”, all the time. Both personal and professional life was, kind of, in a mess.
Professionally, I worked for a good company but satisfaction was far missing. It was a place of misplaced identities. I am a C++ programmer and good at only that, at my job I did everything, but that. Obviously I screwed everything and got tagged as not being a good manager, right, but who wants to be one. It’s like death, inevitable; one had to become a manager eventually and attain “moksha”… and do what ? vendor management? I could never digest that.
Personally, although was living a cocoon, a comfortable environment spun by my family and relatives, I was grown up, enough, to have my own opinions and stand by them and probably break this cocoon. And in doing so, I would be termed as a rebel, invariably. So there I was, struggling to make my way through all this, and failing miserably. The outcome - some failed/estranged relationships, a rebel status and a job that sucked.
I decided I had to move away and hence started on this journey of finding ME. I wanted to break free from all obligations and commitments and start afresh. I wanted to know what I believe in, what my dreams are and gather courage to follow them. Five years later, when I look back, and ask myself, have I achieved what I set out for, well no, but at least, I’m headed on the right path or so i think.
Professionally, I worked for a good company but satisfaction was far missing. It was a place of misplaced identities. I am a C++ programmer and good at only that, at my job I did everything, but that. Obviously I screwed everything and got tagged as not being a good manager, right, but who wants to be one. It’s like death, inevitable; one had to become a manager eventually and attain “moksha”… and do what ? vendor management? I could never digest that.
Personally, although was living a cocoon, a comfortable environment spun by my family and relatives, I was grown up, enough, to have my own opinions and stand by them and probably break this cocoon. And in doing so, I would be termed as a rebel, invariably. So there I was, struggling to make my way through all this, and failing miserably. The outcome - some failed/estranged relationships, a rebel status and a job that sucked.
I decided I had to move away and hence started on this journey of finding ME. I wanted to break free from all obligations and commitments and start afresh. I wanted to know what I believe in, what my dreams are and gather courage to follow them. Five years later, when I look back, and ask myself, have I achieved what I set out for, well no, but at least, I’m headed on the right path or so i think.
Comments
My 2 cents on this: What I thought all my life was right, somehow it was wrong in others perspective.
The question is what is best right now from this moment that I can draw for myself -- you hit the right nerve and there you go, all happy and content. :)